GOOD SHEPHERD CHURCH SEMINARY
MODULE 33
WEDDING AND MARRIAGE
MARRIAGE CHANGES THE VERY BEING OF A MAN AND WOMAN.
Marriage is the complete giving of a man and a woman to each other while receiving with complete openness the gift of the other. [1]
Marriage is an extraordinary event, a remarkable act of love and generosity to give oneself so completely to another, and to accept the gift of the other. [1]
Through sacramental marriage, the very being of those getting married changes to a new reality.
No longer are they simply a man and woman but a husband and a wife, parts of a totality. [1]
Their individual interests are no longer their primary concern. Now their marriage comes first.
Love must come before any personal comfort, desires or ambition. [1]
The wedding vows form a new, unbreakable unity, the married couple.
This love can be helped by strong mutual attraction, but in itself it must be grounded on a solid and stable basis - a life-long commitment; [1]
Marriage is a journey on which the two embark; their unity should deepen over the years through their daily loving care. [1]
Marriage disruption
Marriage disruption can occur; at times this can be due to selfishness on the part of one or both the spouses.
It may result from their betrayal or failure of love. [1]
In such a case, the way forward is repentance and the renewal of the marriage commitment. [1]
Physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is designed by God to be the 'body language' of married love; its purpose is to express and deepen the love of husband and wife for each other. [1]
Physical intimacy also brings children into the marriage.
It is a blessing for the wife to have the protection of a sound marriage and financial support during her vulnerable time as future mother, during the birth and afterwards.
God has designed the marriage bond well to protect the family through the times of love, new birth to the world, and the nurturing of offspring from infancy to adulthood.
Engagement
Marriage should not be undertaken lightly.
It is the role of the priest to help the engaged couple think about the true ramifications of their impending marriage.
The period of engagement is the time for the couple to get to know one another.
If any warning signs show up, it is better to end an engagement than go through with a wedding one of the parties has misgivings about.
Wedding theme
Once the engaged couple has decided on a wedding date, it is helpful for the priest to have a theme for the wedding sermon and ceremony.
Example:
Wedding Service - The Symbol of Love
Preparation: On the altar, a beautiful ceramic jar is placed.
Two smaller jars containing water [symbolizing the individual jars of life of the couple] are placed alongside.
A small jar can be offered after the ceremony which will serve as a keepsake of their marriage.
The following is the reading;
John 2:1-11: The wedding feast of Cana
2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”
4 “Woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”
5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”
6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.
7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.
8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”
They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”
11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.
Choice of Second Readings1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, 13: What love can accomplish
John 15:9-12 Abide in my love
The Sermon
The priest should prepare a sermon which will prove a lasting inspiration for the couple throughout their married lives.
Example;
Jesus performed His first miracle at a wedding in which the water in the jars was changed into wine.
Dear [name] and [name], the two small jars represent the jars of your life.
At your wedding, you now pour your life into one new life. [Here the couple take their individual small jars, and pour the water into the large jar which symbolizes their marriage].
Your lives will complement each other within your marriage.
It is important to turn to the Lord at Cana to bless the water of your two lives into the wine of your marriage.
The water into wine symbolizes the reality that your individual lives have now sacramentally merged into a new and unified reality.
The new wine is both a sacrament and a mystery. If you both commit to your union, and form a good marriage, both you and others will be able to draw strength from the wine within your jar.
Unmarried individuals meet challenges on their own.
If they are ill, they need to try to care for themselves even if they are bedbound and unable to rise.
In life difficulties they have to depend on their own strengths, and on the God of Providence.
In marriage, two individuals form a new unit of strength.
In difficulties, they can companion each other and assist each other through the difficulty with their love, support and guidance.
When ill, they can care for the other. In financial difficulties they can assist each other with the financial fruits of their labours.
When children come, the family grows and strengthens.
Joy is brought to the marriage through the new personalities sent by God to the parents to bless the marriage.
The two partners should work to keep the wine in their jars replenished and full.
Sometimes one may be in better health or emotional strength than the other.
At these times, they may add more to the marriage jar.
Conversely, sometimes the other may experience times of weakness, illness or financial difficulties.
The other then strengthens the marriage in turn.
God created marriage and blessed the institution; it is a proven benison to a couple to get through the changing fortunes of life with a trusted companion.
However, if the marriage is not cared for, the wine within the jars may run low or diminish altogether.
It is the privilege of the couple to decide together to each do the best they can to keep the wine of their marriage strong.
The drops of wine in the jars are the little things in daily life: fidelity, respect, words of friendship and appreciation, thoughtfulness of the other, trust in the other, patience, forgiveness, and love of God.
Blessing during the wedding
The priest binds the hands of the couple together, with the wedding stole.
"I bind your joined hands together with this stole inscribed with the sign of Christ.
Trust one another and put your security in God Who will be your protection in life.
May your marriage flourish so you may be the light of the world [Matthew 5:14].
May your children be brought up in the love of God, so they may grow up in sound body and soul
Amen."
Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit
Pray for the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit to come upon the new marriage.
The gift of wisdom - the knowledge which makes one slow to speak, and quick to listen; slow to condemn, and quick to forgive; slow to hurt, quick to show love
The gift of understanding - knowing that if your partner has failed you, that human nature is frail. Be willing to forgive frailties and faults, as your spouse may have to forgive you from time to time.
Understanding takes into account the difference between the thinking of man and woman, looks for the common ground, accepts difference in thought and perception, and loves the other for their uniqueness,
Understanding includes seeing everything with the heart, and to see the Hand of God behind every happening.
The gift of counsel - ability to accept good advice, and also to good-naturedly give advice.
The gift of knowledge - to know oneself and one's limitations, to accept the work a true relationship brings, in order to be able to know in a real way the other partner.
The gift of fortitude - the courage to act on one's convictions.
The ability to stand with strength when difficulties may present within the marriage.
The determination to love the other at all times, whatever happens in the marriage.
The ability to forgive the other when needed.
The ability to strengthen the other when they are suffering, weak or ill.
The ability to be a rock of strength for the partner, for extended family members and for children whom God blesses to the union.
The gift of piety - the practice of prayer, turning in love to God the protector of marriage, and the endeavour to become holy within the marriage bond.
The gift of honour of God - reverence for God and the inclusion of God as the third partner in the marriage bond.
Virtues helpful within marriage
Three divine virtues are needed within the marriage bond - those of faith, hope and love.
There are four cardinal virtues: prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance.
Faith and hope in God forms great strength in the marriage bond.
Love for God, the partner and generous kindness to all in society strengthens the believer to become a strong marriage partner.
Rest
Rest within a marriage is essential. Those who work seven days a week without giving the body, soul and mind a chance to rest are building up difficulties for themselves and their marriage.
Women need to rest when they find themselves with child, and after childbearing.
Sufficient nourishment and rest leads to healthy and strong mothers and children.
Presence
Presence within a marriage is important.
Physical as well as mental presence is needed.
The partner who becomes involved in work to the detriment of the marriage is mistaken in believing this is for the good of the marriage.
The marriage may become cash rich and time-together poor.
This is a recipe for disaster, as loneliness and estrangement can open the door to other factors which imperil a marriage.
Respect
Respect is important. The marriage partner who demeans the other in word, body language or actions is belittling the partner.
This can cause deep damage to the partner, and to the marriage, corroding the very basis of a sound marriage.
Violence
Temper outbursts, intemperate behaviour, name calling, belittling speech and physical violence greatly imperil a marriage.
It is important for marriage spouses to be aware of their inner emotions and temperament, and invite God to help them become temperate and kindly in action, expression and deed according to the example of Jesus Christ.
Friendship
Friendship is important. Physical expression of affection is not the only strength of a marriage.
Friendship, conversation and the sharing of joys, anxieties and burdens should be with one another.
The moment a marriage partner begins sharing deeper thoughts and lengthy periods of time with another outside the marriage bond, the other partner becomes progressively excluded and trouble lies ahead which may even threaten the foundation of the marriage.
Technology
The use of technology in ways which may lead to infidelity in thought, word and action weaken the basis of the marriage.
It is important for the marriage partner to be temperate and wise in the use of technology.
Fidelity
Fidelity is essential. The marriage partner who finds physical expression outside the marriage may bring illness even of a mortal nature within the marriage, may affect the health of children to be born, and cause irrevocable breakdown of the marriage bond.
Boundaries
Boundaries are needed. Once the married couple form a new unity, old loyalties are sublimated into a new reality; the first loyalty of the husband is to his wife, and the first loyalty of the wife is to her husband.
The spouse who speaks out of the marriage to a parent, family member or friend, is forming difficulties for the future.
Over-engagement with another outside of the marriage bond can lead to friction within the marriage.
Children
Children should be warmly welcomed within the marriage.
No child should be unduly prevented from entering the marriage.
The sanctity of life of the unborn child is always to be respected.
This is the law of God, and the law of love within the marriage.
Elderly parents
Elderly parents should always be respected, and, insofar as the circumstances of the married couple permit, the elderly parents should be assisted especially in times of frailty and need.
Finances
An old saying goes, "When poverty comes in the door, love goes out the window."
It is true that a married couple can grow stronger when they face up to financial difficulties together.
However, gambling, dishonesty in finances and withholding of money for essential items within the family will cause suffering within the family, and place the marriage bond under pressure.
Addictions
Addictions to alcohol and other addictive substances are a financial drain on the family, change the personality of the partner indulging in the addiction, and cause suffering to the partner and the children of the family.
It is important for the marriage partners to avoid addiction of any kind.
Extended family
Over-engagement with relatives, disloyal speech about the marriage partner with relatives and the free discussion of perceived defects of the marriage partner with relatives may cause difficulties in the marriage bond.
The entrance of the married couple into the new bond of matrimony brings a new set of loyalties in its wake.
Love and responsibilities within the familial context to extended family still remains; however, they are modified.
The mature marriage partner will find creative ways to remain in contact with relatives, without causing detriment to the marriage bond.
Prayer
It is important for the marriage partners to pray, individually, as a couple, as a family once children arrive, and communally in worship at church.
"The family that prays together stays together."
The family in society needs the grace of God to continue to strengthen and for bonds to grow.
Prayer is the way which leads to strong marriages.
Honesty
Finally, true honesty and sincerity in a marriage can heal many a difficult situation.
Sincere love and a true heart in a marriage brings the blessing of Almighty God down upon the union.
[1] Marriage changes the very being of a man and woman. Editor's jottings. March 2009. 'Alive!' newspaper
With thanks to Alive!
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