Miscarriage; Honouring Your Baby

Miscarriage; Honouring Your Baby
Grieving after Miscarriage? Do you wish to Honour Your Baby? There are different ways you can individually choose to cherish and honour your little one.

Certificate for Your Baby
The Miscarriage Association advises that some hospitals provide a Certificate for Parents to mark what has happened. For many Parents, this is an important momento.

See A Certificate for Your Baby  
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/information/management-of-miscarriage/after-the-miscarriage/

Examples of Certificates for Your Baby include 
"In Memory of 
__________________

who was born sleeping

To ________________

On ________________

At ______ weeks gestation
     
             signed

_____________________"

See Creating Certificates 
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Creating-certificates.pdf

Bereaved Parents Assocation
You may wish to join a Bereaved Parents Association, such as 
http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/

Honouring your Baby
There are many ways you can choose to Honour your Baby
http://www.pregnancyloss.info/honoring_your_baby.htm

Annual Remembrance Day
There is an Annual Remembrance Day on October 15th. On this day we Remember and Honour our Babies - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. There is a wonderful website - Remembering Our Babies
http://www.october15th.com/

Ceremony of Naming Your Baby
Many beautiful Ceremonies of Naming Your Baby are available. You can draw up your own individual Ceremony. The Archdiocese of Atlanta remembers their Infants with the luminous 'Ceremony and Commendation For An Infant Who Died Before Birth - Embrace' 
http://www.embracefamilies.com/wp-content/uploads/Naming-Cermony-English.pdf

What can I do to Honour the Baby I Miscarried?
Christiane Manzella, PhD, FT, explains that whether you do something privately or invite loved ones to join you, memorializing the baby you have lost can help you grieve and recover from your Miscarriage.
Private actions could include a memory box, journalling. 
Public actions could include creating a memorial, planting a garden in your child's memory.
If you chose a name for your child, dedicating a park bench or memorial brick in your child's name gives you a spot to visit. 
Donating to an organization in his or her name is another way of creating a remembrance in your baby's honour.
See http://seleni.org/advice-support/ask-an-expert/miscarriage-child-loss/what-can-i-do-to-honor-the-baby-i-miscarried

With thanks to Miscarriageassociation, Bereavedparentsusa, Pregnancyloss, October15th, embracefamilies and Seleni.

Miscarriage; Who can Help?

Miscarriage can be a very frightening, unhappy and lonely experience. If you have been affected by miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy, you may wish to turn to a Miscarriage Association. Check for your own country's Miscarriage Association.


Miscarriage Association has an Information Section and Support Section.
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Disclaimer; Please note that the information on this Post is not meant to replace your Doctor or Health Professional care

Dealing with Miscarriage - the Pain of Losing a Child (2)

A miscarriage is an intensely painful matter. Two people, co-parents of a new life, have lost the little one they have been waiting and longing for. Sometimes the parents have already decorated a nursery, purchased baby clothes. The little one has been lost, the mother is dealing with the physical pain, stress and grieving of the loss. The father is struggling with his own grief. They go home to an empty house. How can they deal with their grief over losing their baby?

As Mother; How to deal with grief over losing your baby
Firstly, be gentle with yourself. You have undergone a deeply distressing event. As mother, it is only natural to feel deep and strong emotions after your loss. You may feel any of a number of things; shock, grief, depression, anger, vulnerability. Some women may feel a sense of failure. 
Accept your feelings. If possible, talk to your husband/partner about your loss. 
It can help to talk to someone sympathetic who can answer your questions and give you information and advice. It is often helpful for a couple to attend counselling together.

As father; How to deal with grief over losing your baby
As father, you may have seen or held your little one after the loss. You see your wife/partner struggling with health issues and grieving. You may feel unsure how to handle your grief. 

Accept your feelings. If possible, talk to your wife/partner about your loss.
It can help to talk to someone sympathetic who can answer your questions and give you information and advice. It is often helpful for a couple to attend counselling together.

As Mother; After your miscarriage
As you work through the time after your miscarriage, remember the following;
- a miscarriage can happen to anyone
- give yourself plenty of time to heal, both physically and emotionally
- give yourself time off work, and rest
- visit your GP and/or Specialist, and ensure you give your body all the nutrition, rest and health care needed to return to  health 
- try not to close yourself off from others. Pain often has the effect of making us want to distance ourselves from others - however, we need support from others at times. And miscarriage is a time when support and the care of others is needed
- understand that someone who has not gone through what you're going through cannot really understand what it is like 
- realise that some people would like to say something comforting, but are at a loss for words 
- try not to take it personally if people say something you feel is the wrong thing, or if they say nothing at all
- understand that your husband/partner may grieve in a different way to you. Make allowances for unique style of grieving
- get support. Talk to someone who understands. Consider joining a support group in your area

As Father; After baby's loss
As you work through the time after the loss of your baby, remember the following; 
- give yourself plenty of time to heal emotionally
- give yourself time to rest
- support your wife/partner when she visits the GP and/or Specialist, to ensure she has full return to health    - don't neglect your own health. Give your body all the nutrition, rest and health care needed to ensure you stay strong during this time
- try not to close yourself off from others. Pain often has the effect of making us want to distance ourselves from others. Some dads experience peace and healing by writing their feelings down - journalling
- support your wife/partner. Listen to her when she needs to talk, hold her, and let her express her feelings

Consider a baby-naming ceremony
As a devoted couple, it is important to remember that you are parents of a little one who has left your family early; but is still, and always will be, part of your family. If you have a scan of your baby, you may want to place your precious picture in a special album. You may also wish to have a baby naming ceremony, where you name your little one. My parents had a small baptising ceremony when they lost the little baby due to be born into our family. They named the little one 'Anthony if our little baby is a boy, and Theresa if our little baby is a girl.' And, whenever people ask me how many there are in our family, I tell them there are seven; six of us here on earth, and one gone before us to heaven. It is a great comfort to remember that our little baby is not nameless or unknown; he or she is infinitely precious and always remembered.

 Disclaimer; Please note that the information on this Post is not meant to replace your Doctor or Health Professional care

Moms Kitchen; Spaghetti with Quick Bolognese Sauce (Also Suitable for Vegetarians)

Who doesn't like spaghetti? It's a great meal, quick to make and tasty to eat. Keeping an eye on the budget? Spaghetti is easy on that too. If you are vegetarian, you can make the meal with a vegetarian beef substitute.
Preparation time; 15 minutes

Allergy Alert;
Before starting the recipe, check first that you have no allergies to any of the ingredients.
If you are allergic to any of the ingredients, then don't use this recipe.

You will need
300 g spaghetti (if you are cooking for someone who is coeliac or has intolerance to wheat, buy gluten free spaghetti)
Pinch of salt
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 onions, finely chopped
2 gloves of garlic, finely chopped
300 g minced beef (you can use a vegetarian beef substitute)
1 carton sieved tomatoes (400 g)
1 tin diced tomatoes (400 g)
1 beef stock cube (you can use a vegetarian substitute)
1 teaspoon dried or fresh Italian seasoning
Pinch of cayenne pepper
75g Parmesan cheese, coarsely grated

How to make
1. Cook pasta as per instructions in water with a pinch of salt until the pasta is al dente, then drain the pasta in coliander
2. Heal oil in frying pan and fry chopped onion and garlic for about 2 minutes
3. Add minced beef or substitute
4. Fry and stir until meat loosens and is nice and brown 
5. Stir in sieved tomatoes, diced tomatoes, crumbled stock cube and Italian seasoning and bring to boil
6. Cover pan with lid and allow sauce to gently simmer for about 10 minutes
7. Season with cayenne pepper to taste
8. Arrange pasta onto deep plates and spoon Bolognese sauce on top. Sprinkle with cheese
Enjoy!


 

Mom's Kitchen; Meatballs - (also Suitable for Vegetarians)

Meatballs are a great hit with many meals, such as with spaghetti; or with potato mash and vegetables. They are also lovely with potatoes and apples. This recipe can be used with a vegetarian beef substitute, to make a tasty meal for vegetarians.
Meatballs are cheap to make and easy to cook.
Preparation time is about 40 minutes.

Allergy Alert; 

Before starting the recipe, check first that you have no allergies to any of the ingredients.

If you are allergic to any of the ingredients, then don't use this recipe.

You will need
Two bowls
Small plate
Small frying pan
400g lean minced beef (if you are vegetarian, buy vegetarian beef substitute)
2 slices of bread, remove crust and crumble the bread into crumbs (use gluten free bread if you are cooking for someone who is coeliac or is wheat intolerant)
2 tablespoons sweet soy sauce
2 tablespoons coarse mustard
A little salt
A little freshly ground pepper
2 tablespoons liquid margarine
A little milk

How to make
1. Put the breadcrumbs into the bowl and pour enough milk into the bowl so that the bread becomes completely soft
2. Put the minced beef or substitute into another bowl, add half of the sweet soy sauce, half of the mustard, the moist breadcrumbs, a little salt and pepper and knead the ingredients thoroughly together
3. Moisten your hands and divide the minced meat into four equal portions. Create four meatballs and put them on the plate
4. Melt the margarine in the small frying pan on a medium heat. Wait until the margarine turns brown, then add the meatballs to the pan. Once the meatballs have browned on the underside, turn them carefully over. Be very careful because the fat can spatter 
5. Add just enough water to the frying pan to submerge the meatballs a little more than halfway. Stir in the remainder of the sweet soy sauce
6. Cover the pan with a lid and allow the meatballs to cook a further 30 minutes. Make sure they are cooked right through.
Enjoy!

Lumiere Education Academy; Developing Your Leadership Ability

LUMIERE EDUCATION ACADEMY
DEVELOPING YOUR LEADERSHIP ABILITY
In every sphere of life, from the house to the boardroom, there is a need for true leaders. However, what is also needed is for leaders to have empathy and humanity. There are practical strategies that can help us develop a personal plan for developing our own gift of leadership potential.

WHAT ARE LEADERSHIP SKILLS?
Leadership skills are the learned attributes that make the leader more effective in assisting others. Essential leadership skills include the following;
1. A sound set of values
2. Skill at communicating effectively
3. Skill in managing conflicts
4. Ability to manage stress, change
5. Good time management
6. Ability to use critical thinking
7. Ability to plan ahead
8. Ability to train, motivate, delegate and evaluate the work of others

WHAT DO LEADERS NEED TO DEMONSTRATE?
Leaders need to demonstrate;
1. Emotional maturity
2. Self-management skills
3. Group-process skills
4. Change-management skills
5. Systems-thinking skills
6. Advocacy ability 

FORMAL LEADERS AND INFORMAL LEADERS
Formal leaders are those who are officially designated to carry out a leadership role. 
Informal leaders are those chosen by the work group themselves, as a leader to whom they look up to. Informal leaders often have the following characteristics;
1. Good communication skills
2. Approachable 
3. Others go to them for advice and support
4. Good work experience
5. Special competencies
6. Special personal characteristics.

WHO ARE LEADERS?
Leaders are people who have committed themselves to learning the skills that allow them to show the way forward for others. 
Leadership characteristics often include;
1.  Ability to empower others
2.  Ability to create enthusiasm for the work at hand
3.  Ability to inspire others 
4.  High level of motivation
5.  Good experience 
6.  Ability to learn from difficult experiences
7.  Ability to stay calm
8.  Professional manner in all circumstances
9.  Dress and appearance professional, neat and well groomed
10. Facial expression friendly
11. Good posture, with head and shoulders held up
12. Arms and hands composedly at sides, not crossed
13. Tone of voice calm and assured
14. Good writing skills 
15. Ability to listen and clearly understand 
16. Ability to be objective
17. Ability to be positive

So; How does this work?
Let us imagine a day at a Music School. I am the newly appointed Head of the School, which teaches Operetta to aspiring singers. The School has been financially struggling recently, and the numbers of students are down. I ensure that I am at work slightly early (time management). I have prepared for my meetings with the Heads of Departments the night before (plan ahead). I am professionally and neatly dressed and groomed (professional manner and dress). 

We have our meeting of the day, and it becomes clear that there is conflict between the Heads of Department. I listen to their views (ability to listen and clearly understand). When voices escalate and feelings flare, I remain calm (skill in managing conflict, ability to stay calm). I remain objective, and stay positive (ability to be objective, ability to be positive). When I have heard all out, I make a synopsis of what the trouble appears to be  - confusion with the times of the roster of the singing classes (ability to sum up a situation).
I maintain respect for all the Department Heads, and speak about my synopsis with clarity in a given period of time (good communication skills). I undertake to study all the Department Head proposals, meet with each in turn, and come to a solution which will be acceptable to all (skill in management).

I ensure I get a short break from work, and enjoy a relaxing few minutes with a cup of tea and a snack to build my strength and unwind from the pressure of the meeting (ability to manage stress). Thereafter, I set about drawing a new roster that will be suitable for the needs of all. I realise, when studying the situation, that there is a reason why the roster is not working so well - Department Heads have not been keeping to the class schedule times. The resultant delay in changeover of classes has built up during the days, holding back singing studies (ability to assess). I realise that the Teachers' abilities could possibly be better utilised if they consider a framework to their classes based on the latest recommendations from the leading Singing Colleges (critical thinking). I consult with experts re same. The end result is that I need to present a new format for the roster to the Heads of Department, and explain my rationale for the roster (Good experience, high level of motivation, ability to inspire others, ability to stay calm). 

I discuss the roster with the Department Heads, and delegate to them the task of putting the plan into action (group-process skills, systems-thinking skills, change management skills, ability to plan ahead, ability to train/motivate/delegate to others). I ensure that sufficient time and space is given to the Department Heads to carry out a check as to the viability in the actual singing classes of the new roster (ability to delegate). Thereafter I organise a further meeting, and quantifiably evaluate the results of the classes (from the paperwork, I check how the class times have been utilised, and how the students are progressing). I note, together with the Department Heads, that the changeover of students between classes is going more smoothly, less time is being wasted, and that the students' average marks have risen 10% since the time of the new change. I thus deduce that the students have benefited from a more structured curriculum and the implementation of the latest recommendations from the leading Singing Colleges (Evaluation). I document the same (good writing skills).

I realise that I have an Informal Leader among my Staff. Miss M, a Department Head of many years standing and an empathetic manner, has the ear of all the Department Heads. The other Heads went to her for advice and support. Miss M advised they give the new roster a try, and to bring back the results of the trial - whether good or bad - to our next meeting. The results turned out to be good, and her calm understanding and support, together with her years of experience, made her a valuable asset in my team.
So; I continue on with leadership at the Singing College, ensuring that both my way of life and the way of life at the Singing College reflect a sound moral set of values.

In the interim I have discovered that a student has been experiencing bullying. I listen to the student, weigh up the relevant facts, and speak to the other students involved, their teachers and their parents in an appropriate manner. I resolve the issue (Advocacy). My set of values ensures that my leadership skills hold, as most important, the progress and peace of mind of my students in the environment of learning they find themselves (sound set of values).

Good luck with your Leadership! 


Disclaimer; the example above is from the imagination of the author. It is not intended to replicate any life or professional experience. Please use the example as a springboard of principles which can be applied to any field of work
 
 

Happy Easter to All

A Candle has been lit by Lumiere Charity in remembrance of all our Readers. May you all have a Happy Easter Day.