Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Dealing with Miscarriage - the Pain of Losing a Child (2)


A miscarriage is an intensely painful matter. Two people, co-parents of a new life, have lost the little one they have been waiting and longing for. Sometimes the parents have already decorated a nursery, purchased baby clothes. The little one has been lost, the mother is dealing with the physical pain, stress and grieving of the loss. The father is struggling with his own grief. They go home to an empty house. How can they deal with their grief over losing their baby?

As Mother; How to deal with grief over losing your baby
Firstly, be gentle with yourself. You have undergone a deeply distressing event. As mother, it is only natural to feel deep and strong emotions after your loss. You may feel any of a number of things; shock, grief, depression, anger, vulnerability. Some women may feel a sense of failure. 
Accept your feelings. If possible, talk to your husband/partner about your loss. 
It can help to talk to someone sympathetic who can answer your questions and give you information and advice. It is often helpful for a couple to attend counselling together.

As father; How to deal with grief over losing your baby
As father, you may have seen or held your little one after the loss. You see your wife/partner struggling with health issues and grieving. You may feel unsure how to handle your grief. 

Accept your feelings. If possible, talk to your wife/partner about your loss.
It can help to talk to someone sympathetic who can answer your questions and give you information and advice. It is often helpful for a couple to attend counselling together.

As Mother; After your miscarriage
As you work through the time after your miscarriage, remember the following;
- a miscarriage can happen to anyone
- give yourself plenty of time to heal, both physically and emotionally
- give yourself time off work, and rest
- visit your GP and/or Specialist, and ensure you give your body all the nutrition, rest and health care needed to return to  health 
- try not to close yourself off from others. Pain often has the effect of making us want to distance ourselves from others - however, we need support from others at times. And miscarriage is a time when support and the care of others is needed
- understand that someone who has not gone through what you're going through cannot really understand what it is like 
- realise that some people would like to say something comforting, but are at a loss for words 
- try not to take it personally if people say something you feel is the wrong thing, or if they say nothing at all
- understand that your husband/partner may grieve in a different way to you. Make allowances for unique style of grieving
- get support. Talk to someone who understands. Consider joining a support group in your area

As Father; After baby's loss
As you work through the time after the loss of your baby, remember the following; 
- give yourself plenty of time to heal emotionally
- give yourself time to rest
- support your wife/partner when she visits the GP and/or Specialist, to ensure she has full return to health    - don't neglect your own health. Give your body all the nutrition, rest and health care needed to ensure you stay strong during this time
- try not to close yourself off from others. Pain often has the effect of making us want to distance ourselves from others. Some dads experience peace and healing by writing their feelings down - journalling
- support your wife/partner. Listen to her when she needs to talk, hold her, and let her express her feelings

Consider a baby-naming ceremony
As a devoted couple, it is important to remember that you are parents of a little one who has left your family early; but is still, and always will be, part of your family. If you have a scan of your baby, you may want to place your precious picture in a special album. You may also wish to have a baby naming ceremony, where you name your little one. My parents had a small baptising ceremony when they lost the little baby due to be born into our family. They named the little one 'Anthony if our little baby is a boy, and Theresa if our little baby is a girl.' And, whenever people ask me how many there are in our family, I tell them there are seven; six of us here on earth, and one gone before us to heaven. It is a great comfort to remember that our little baby is not nameless or unknown; he or she is infinitely precious and always remembered.

 Disclaimer; Please note that the information on this Post is not meant to replace your Doctor or Health Professional care

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